It’s been quite a while since I’ve done a rant on my blog.
Today, I ran errands. Nothing special. These are everyday things. Bringing my kids to school and picking them up. They go to 2 different schools that are across town from one another, and they start and end school at different times in the day. What I’m trying to say is I do a lot of driving, but it’s all localized. No freeway driving for me.
Everyone (including me) always says how bad LA drivers are. I would like to make a slightly different statement: Drivers in Thousand Oaks are arrogant pricks.
Thousand Oaks is about an hour away from Los Angeles. I admit it’s beautiful and safe (crazy drivers notwithstanding). But there’s something about these drivers that makes them think they’re entitled to more special privileges than your average person.
Yesterday, after picking up my teenager from the high school, we’re driving back towards his little brother’s school when a black BMW almost sideswipes me. I move my car accordingly so as not to be hit by this guy. I turn to look at him, and HE HASN’T EVEN NOTICED THAT HE ALMOST HIT ME. He’s looking at his damn phone. I told my son to watch this car, and together we watched as the black Beemer drove erratically in its lane, at one point driving in two lanes.
It is at this point that I ask: Where is the hood-attached flamethrower that I keep asking you, my readers, for? Please, it must be tailored to fit a Kia Spectra. Yeah, I know. Don’t laugh that I have a Kia; for all you know, I just might get that flamethrower pretty soon, and then we’ll see who laughs last.
Sorry, I haven’t had coffee yet today. Don’t go! I’m not done yet.
Anyway, that was yesterday. Today, I’m parked in a shopping center across the street from the high school (because the traffic at the school makes me…well, makes me write blog entries like this). My son finds me and gets in the car. A lady with an SUV is PARKED PERPENDICULARLY BEHIND ME – in other words, she is completely blocking me. I can’t back out. I can’t do a damn thing but sit there with a thumb up my ass and fucking wait.
I realize that she’s also waiting for her own son, who hasn’t even gotten to the car yet. Now, there are plenty of parking spaces open where she can take her nice, gigantic SUV and park her fat ass. Does she? C’mon, you know better by now. This woman has done this to me several times last year, and I have no patience for it. I tap the horn and she finally moves after a while of wondering to herself, “Was that honk for me? Why would anybody be mad at me? I just have this giant car that’s blocking 6 people from leaving.” (Insert empty-headed giggle here. Granted, I don’t know if she sounds like this or what she even really looks like, but for the purposes of my bitching, I have invented these details.)
Okay, so finally we get back on the road. At this point we have gone nearly 5 whole minutes without butting heads with a Thousand Oaks Arrogant Prick Driver. Things were pleasant; I was hopeful. Then, a truck in front of me slowed down suddenly. Okay, these things happen. It wasn’t safe, but I get it. I also slowed down, of course. Before I even had the time to wonder if I should wait for this guy to continue or go around him, the van that was driving behind me took it upon himself to GO ALL THE WAY AROUND ME, literally circling around me. Apparently, he couldn’t wait for the 2 seconds it would have taken me to figure out what I was going to do. He didn’t even have the courtesy of merging into another lane, drive past me, and wait a couple minutes before merging back into the lane. He left no room for me, so if I had decided to go around that truck after all, he and I would have collided.
My insurance doesn’t cover accidents caused by Thousand Oaks Arrogant Prick Drivers. I should know. I checked.
So, now it’s time to pick up the little dude. We’re parked in front of the school and have about half an hour, so we just sit there and laugh about our retro phones and its so-called ‘apps.’ After a while, I tell my son to go get his brother, and he does, leaving me alone in the car.
Then, a truck arrives that’s blasting music.
Here’s the thing about music: I love it. I love it so much, in fact, that I would like to continue having the ability to hear it. Therefore, I do not enjoy having my eardrums destroyed by assholes that think they’ll impress bored, tired strangers in their 30’s if they turn the volume knob up on their car radio. (Because only cool people know how to push the plus button on a volume control, right?)
Having nothing else to do, and certainly not wanting to confront a couple of guys I didn’t know when I was by myself, I did the universal passive-aggressive thing and tweeted. Here’s a screenshot of that:
Thank you, Thousand Oaks Arrogant Prick Drivers. You have a good day now.